Not So Great Expectations

Have you ever noticed that some of life's happiest moments are ones in which we have no expectations?

Studies show that one of the common characteristics of happy people is that they have few expectations.  Expectations can lead to disappointment and a failure to appreciate what's right in front of us.  The more we expect, the less grateful we are for what we have and what we receive, and ingratitude is the mother of unhappiness.  When we let go of expectations, when we are able to simply accept life as it is, we are free to lighten up, live in the moment, and appreciate the everyday beauty that surrounds us.

Of course we all have things to do, deadlines to meet, plans to complete, ambitions to consider and visions for which to strive.  We expect a great deal of ourselves.  Letting go of expectations doesn't mean that we live aimless lives.  It simply means that as we work towards achieving our goals, we do so with a sense of self-acceptance and an understanding that we are exactly where we belong at any point along the path.  We have to recognize and appreciate the difference between having aspirations and having expectations.   Life doesn't always adhere to our to do lists the way we'd like it to, and therefore, we can either lament about the things we aren't getting done fast or well enough, panic about things not turning out as expected, or, just as we do on the mat, we can accept ourselves exactly as we are at any given moment, take a breath, and continue to move forward.

We instinctively want to create and maintain a sense of momentum around our responsibilities and desires, but in the grand scheme of things, our happiness doesn't really depend upon how quickly we progress but, rather, with how accepting we are of ourselves and our present reality.

"Live your life.  Sing your song.  Not full of expectations.  Not for the ovations.  Do it for the joy of it."

~ Rasheed Ogunlaru

Often we expect so much more than the world has to offer.  If we learn to stop expecting impossible perfection in ourselves and in others, we can live more fully in the present, better appreciate the beauty that surrounds us, and feel a greater sense of contentment.

Have you ever noticed that some of the happiest moments are the ones in which we have no expectations?

Expectations Playlist

Failure is a Great Option

It is often said that failure is not an option.  While I certainly understand this concept in the grand scheme of things, I believe that failure is, indeed, an important option along the way to ultimate success.  Perhaps success should be defined as how you handle failure.  In the end, it doesn't really matter how many times you fall, as long as you get back up one more time than you fall down.

Failure is delay, not defeat.  Thomas Edison failed numerous times before inventing the light bulb and is quoted as saying, "I have not failed.  I've just found 999 ways that won't work."  He also said that our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  I believe that in this age where instant gratification is becoming more and more a norm, too many people fear failure and/or give up too quickly when things don't come easily or naturally.

Failure is one of the greatest teachers that we have.  Life involves risk taking, and sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail.  Both states are equally important.  Using yoga as an example, I can't even begin to count the number of failed attempts I've made at challenging arm balances and inversions.  I've experienced humbling face plants and worn the back of the arm bruising to attest to this fact.  However, had I not learned from my failed attempts and continued to "try just one more time",  I would never have been able to master any of those poses.  In the process, I learned things about myself, my attitude, and my body mechanics... and those things can easily be applied to other poses, and more importantly, situations.

Robert F. Kennedy said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly," so go forth and fail.  And when you do, get back up and try again.  The courage to continue to press on until you are successful is what matters most.

Failure is the Only Option Playlist

Road Trippin'

"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."

~ Martin Buber

Summer vacation often brings to mind road trips.  Miles and miles of music, chatter, snacks and unexpected stops along the way.  The destination of a road trip is the goal, but the journey is often where true adventure lies.

In life, the journey IS the destination, but as with any good road trip, we have to know in which direction to travel, how to determine the best route by using the resources we have available to us, maintain a positive attitude and sense of humor, and understand who will make the best travel companions.

As an end of summer celebration, our sangha came together for a road trip themed outdoor practice.  Many thanks to the fabulous yogi(ni)s who shared this practice with me... it was a beautiful evening of poolside pose.  Enjoy the pictures and playlist.

                                                                   

                                                                      

 

 Road Trip Playlist

Labels

Recently, while dropping my youngest child off, I noticed a pair of kindergarteners holding hands and skipping into school  Physically, the two could not have looked more different... everything from their skin and hair color, height and weight to the clothes they were wearing and their fabulous choices in lunch boxes and backpacks, each indicating a style all his/her own.  Their joy in that moment was contagious, and I suspect I was not the only carpool mom smiling at the purity of their enthusiasm as they bounded towards the building.

And it struck me...

We start out so inclusive and accepting of others, excited, engaged.  We are pure in thought and without prejudice.  Somewhere along the way, though, so many people lose their ability to focus on this concept of togetherness.  When do we begin to mistrust people who we perceive as different from us?  What makes us judge one another based on things like gender, political party, religious affiliation, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, appearance and social status?

The truth is that we are tragically losing young people as a result of the divisive nature of labels... labels that are placed on kids, often from an early age, by other children as well as by adults, labels that are learned somewhere along the way.  We are not born with the “labeling gene”.  While we hope that we are raising our kids to know right from wrong, to be accepting and inclusive, the truth is that as adults, we do, indeed, model labeling behavior in both subtle and overt ways.  Labels bias our opinions and perceptions and have the ability to separate us, one from another.  While it’s true that labels also have the ability to connect us, it seems as though exclusivity can arise even in the most well-intentioned groups.  

W.C. Fields said, “it’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to,” that matters.  We often buy into others’ perceptions of us which, at times, can affect our outlook and actions.  Further, we try to neatly define who we are via various labels we create for ourselves.  None of us can be linearly packaged... we are far too complicated for that.  

We must evolve.  Whether it is our own bias and judgments, others’ perceptions of us, or our self-imposed definitions, the divisive labeling has to stop.  We are more alike than different, and we, as thoughtful people, must stand up and speak up for the voiceless among us.  

Namaste is sometimes simply defined as “I honor the place in you where, when you are in that place, and I am in that place, there is only one of us.”

We are one.  Let us cultivate metta and make a difference.

Namaste.

Labels Playlist

How Do You Get Through Your Day?

How do you get through your day?  Make it from one place to another?  One task to the next?

Take the time to watch this video.  Be inspired by the power and impact of unconditional love and no limits, positive thinking.  It is worth 8 minutes of your life.

My Perspective on Perception

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."

~ Abraham Lincoln

My stepfather is one of the most generous, joyful, positive souls I've ever known.  He also happens to have been a POW in WWII.  During the war, he was a medic.  He was captured when he crossed enemy lines in order to try to obtain more medical supplies to help the many wounded soldiers around him.  As a POW, he suffered many atrocities, including being thrown off of a moving train.  However, when he shares stories with others about this difficult time in his life, he does so with a calm, reassuring tone and always says "I was lucky.  I was a medic so I got to help people, I got to save lives.  I never had to hurt anyone or take a life".  Further, he feels that his capture was purposeful in that, because of his medical know-how, he was able to take care of the other prisoners with whom he shared his time in captivity.  This thought alone kept him afloat while he was imprisoned and allows him now, even all of these years later, to speak of this experience as purposeful.

It's all about perceptions. 

Our lives are not really about the things at which we look, but, rather, about how we choose to see and feel them.  We often have little control over what happens to us, and the fact is that what actually occurs is relatively insignificant compared to our perceptions of the situations and events.  Perception, created by the stories that we tell ourselves and others about what happens to us, typically becomes reality.

However, we do have a choice.  We can look at challenges as growth opportunities or as failures.  We can see the glass as half-empty or half-full.  We can view the world as loving or hostile.  Regardless of which path we choose, we will be correct, because our perceptions will continue to reinforce our choices and shape how we see our lives.  

Stephen R. Covey wrote "To change ourselves effectively, we first have to change our perceptions".  While it may seem easier said than done to change our perceptions, I wonder what might happen if we make a conscious effort to do so?  

What if at the end of each day, no matter what kind of day it was, we took a few moments to ask ourselves the following questions?

1.  What surprised me today?
2.  What moved me today?
3.  What motivated me today?
4.  What made me smile today?
5.  What inspired me today?

Try it.  You just might find that you view the world from a different and better place.  You have the power to alter your reality simply by seeing things in more positive ways.   After all, in the end, what we see very much depends on the clarity of the lens through which we look.

My Perspective on Perception Playlist

Lessons from My Mat

While on blogging hiatus, I was busy  deepening my practice and learning new tricks at what was affectionately referred to as "Yoga Bootcamp".  I, however,  felt that "Princess Camp" had a nicer ring to it, despite the fact that we were not issued tiaras.  Either way, ahimsa was frequently called into question there since the words "Are they trying to kill us?" were uttered almost daily over the course of our three week adventure :).

Princess Camp was physically challenging and, at times, both mentally and emotionally draining.  It was also exciting, inspiring, a beautiful way for me to reconnect with my practice, and a strong reminder of the things yoga has taught me about myself and about people, in general... very little of which has to do with pose and proper alignment.

And so, because I love a good list, I give you "Lessons from My Mat"

1.  We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and we get stronger just by trying.  Certainly this applies to the physical practice of yoga.  However, applied to almost any challenge we face, there is truth in this.  The human spirit is, indeed, stronger than anything that can happen to it, and we grow stronger with each challenge we face and overcome.

2.  We are all exactly where we are supposed to be.  I do recognize this on a very regular basis; however, I was overwhelmed by it in the midst or our first shared practice at Princess Camp.  The road to camp, for me, was not simple.  There was some serious single-mommy-guilt at play as well as financial concerns.  It would take a village to make the logistics work.  I struggled with the decision until I received an out of the blue, serendipitous phone call that served as an "all systems are go" sign.  It was the push I needed to commit, though, frankly, I still questioned the decision even as I set foot on that plane.  Soon enough, though, I found myself in a beautiful space, packed with like-minded people participating in a moving meditation to the beat of an African drum circle.  The energy level was indescribable.  There was no question that I was, indeed, where I belonged.

3.  The only thing we can really control is our response to that which we can not control.  Viktor Frankl talked about the space between stimulus and response as being our one true freedom, and I believe this to be true.  The gift of non-reactivity is one of the greatest things I have gained from practicing yoga.  Certainly the physicality of yoga requires us to be non-reactive, use our breath to soften edges, calm the mind and quiet the body in order to do things like hold poses, be they of strength or surrender, longer than seems reasonable or try a new arm balance, inversion or bind; but it is the off-the-mat application of non-reactivity that has changed my life dramatically.

4.  There is no "can't"... there is only "not today".  Each moment on the mat is unlike any other, as is each moment off of it.  Therefore, we must accept ourselves for who we are each day, meet ourselves there, and love ourselves in spite of our perceived imperfections.

5.  In related news... yoga has taught me to love my body in ways I never did before because I know my body so well as a result of my practice.  My back is bendy and I can rock out some cool backbends. My core is strong and I can sit in boat and have a lengthy discussion with you about any topic.  I can do fun things with my legs while in headstand.  I can fold myself into a yogi sammich while standing or sitting, and reverse namaste is easy and comfortable.  I know that firefly is hard for me because my arms are disproportionately shorter than my legs and that "bumping up" requires blocks, for the same reason.  I know that half pigeon on my right hurts and needs to be modified, but on the left, I can hang all day.  Self-awareness and acceptance allows me to appreciate my strengths, understand how to use those strengths to deal with challenges, and embrace who I am at both my physical-boat-holding and figurative cores.

6.  The most advanced practitioners of yoga listen well to their bodies and modify their practices in order to honor that.  We are advanced practitioners of life when we learn to trust our intuition.

7.  Real growth, be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, on the mat or off, requires us to get the hell out of our comfort zones.  Yoga has taught me how to find my edge and use what is available to me in the moment to soften it.  It is a beautiful reminder that we already have everything we need in order to take on the challenges life presents.

8.  We must let go of things that no longer serve us.  Perhaps we let go of a block in a balance pose because eventually we find that we can hold the pose without it.  Maybe we forgive a transgression because we recognize that we are holding ourselves back by staying connected to a past that can never be rewritten.

9.  We all fall down; it is in our ability to begin again that we find success.  Each of us has a unique curriculum to master.  The lessons will be presented over and over until we have learned exactly that which we are supposed to learn.  In turn, we learn the most when life brings us to our knees and we must find a way to rise back up again.

10.  Gratitude is the mother of happiness.  Be grateful for each practice.  Be grateful for the days on which your mind, body and breath cooperate and things feel effortless.  Be just as grateful for the days on which it doesn't... for those are the days that make you more appreciative of the better ones.  Life is good, even on the days when it feels like it isn't.  There is beauty all around us.  We just have to take time to notice and appreciate it.

So get on your mat, and take what you learn there off the mat with you.

A tiara is optional.