Lessons I Have Learned of Late

I'm in healing mode, with time on my hands to reflect upon a few lessons I have learned of late. Some, I already knew... others are new to me. Perhaps they will remind or resonate with you, too. 

1.   Real friends pick you up off of the floor when you can’t get up. Literally. They scramble for Advil, water, advocate for you, and hand you some bourbon. They also terminal hop just to spend those last few moments with you, even when the worst pain of your life has left you speechless. And yet, you can’t help but smile and laugh together because it’s just what you do.. even in our darkest moments, there is light. Real friends show up even before you ask and they don’t mind sitting next to you for hours at the hospital or for hours next to your bed talking about everything and nothing at all, and being OK with the silent space that exists between those things. They show up with ice and pies and salads and ice and “no pasta” and flowers and puppies and ice and chocolate and ice (so.much.ice!). They call and they text because connection is connection… and how beautiful it is to connect with so many people in so many places in a time when I am so uniquely isolated.

2.    A true Prince Charming will find a way to scale the wall, no matter how high or how tight the (TSA) security.

3.    Despite the timing and challenges it presented, I do not, even for one moment, regret postponing treatment and going to Croatia. I am stronger for the experience mentally, physically and emotionally. And as someone very wise said to me, “you will recover faster if you go in healthy”. True dat. I felt great walking into the hospital last week and I believe that having just returned from that magical trip helped with that. Side note… I know this is my own issue; however, I struggle to understand anyone’s lack of desire to travel, whether near or far. Travel doesn't have to cost a fortune or take us to exotic places... no matter where we go, it opens our eyes, minds and hearts in ways I don’t think anything else can or does. It teaches us lessons about the world but, more importantly, about ourselves. You really, truly should come with me next time.

4.    I got an A+ at my first post-op appointment today. My doctor ooohhed and ahhhhed over my range of motion and pain tolerance. I credit yoga and meditation for this, of course, and also for my ability to figure out how to move, pee, get dressed, sit up, etc. with cirque du soleil style acrobatics, and for not silently going insane while unable to be upright for the better part of every day and for the foreseeable future… but the truth is, Dr. Wonderful has proven herself amazing time and time again. I credit her understanding, wisdom and skills just as much as my practice. 

5.    In related news, for all you entrepreneurial types, there’s a market for cute, fashion forward medical devices… just sayin’. As a side note, our system is broken when you can be charged $250-$1000, with insurance, for something you absolutely have to have in order to heal… but that you can purchase on amazon for $85-$120. We did our homework and had a fantastic medical devices guy who told us to crowd source and check for alternatives, but it saddens me to think that many people in my situation who weren’t told to look elsewhere would have just shrugged their shoulders and said OK. We can do better than this.

6.   The same people who think it is absurd that there is a warning on a McDonald’s coffee cup are also the ones who immediately ask the question that I know is on many minds. Even if you didn’t ask it out loud, it’s likely you have wondered. And I probably would, too, of course. 

7.    I believe we all have a life curriculum… we will be handed the same lessons over and over again until we have learned them. Usually, it takes us awhile to learn them, and so they will come harder and faster until that frying pan to the head moment occurs. My frying pan moment has arrived. In the past I believed my lesson was “accept help” and I tried, really, I did… but today I am convinced the lesson is actually ASK FOR HELP, and so I have. 

8.    I am lucky enough to know some of the best flower picker outers in the universe, and as I see and smell a gorgeous bit of nature from my bed, I am reminded that in little things, there is great joy. Said flowers came from a group of people who are my family… we aren’t related and we all live in different places, we came together through work and we stick together with love. And while the beautiful flowers feel lucky, loving the people I work with is truly the great fortune for which I am thankful. 

9.    No matter how crappy you feel or how long it takes, getting out of bed, opening the blinds, making the bed (or having someone incredible do these things when you can not), having a (body wipes only) "shower", (dry) shampooing your hair and looking as presentable as possible even with no one to see and despite the fact that it may be close to impossible to look cute in your current situation, makes a huge difference in your attitude and outlook. As a side note, someone washing your hair for you in the sink is a treat, even when you’re 50. 

10.  Mr. Rogers reminded us to always look for the helpers. People are generally good and they want to help… and you might be surprised at the quiet supporters you have who, when you are in need, step up in ways you could never have imagined. On the flip side, there are some people who look you in the eye while you are lying on a hard floor unable to move, and then look away or, even worse, look down at their phones. I remember those faces but I can’t remember the faces of the lovely strangers who stopped to help… and this fascinates me. Of course there are many reasons people respond (or don’t) the way they do, and I suspect that perhaps each of us has been both of these people at various times because our lives, and maybe, if we don’t intentionally tend to them, our empathy and compassion, ebb and flow. Let us agree to err on the side of the former, create a ripple effect of passionate compassion and recognize that helpers may not always wear uniforms but they are always all around us. Let’s simply take care of each other.