Lessons I Have Learned of Late

I'm in healing mode, with time on my hands to reflect upon a few lessons I have learned of late. Some, I already knew... others are new to me. Perhaps they will remind or resonate with you, too. 

1.   Real friends pick you up off of the floor when you can’t get up. Literally. They scramble for Advil, water, advocate for you, and hand you some bourbon. They also terminal hop just to spend those last few moments with you, even when the worst pain of your life has left you speechless. And yet, you can’t help but smile and laugh together because it’s just what you do.. even in our darkest moments, there is light. Real friends show up even before you ask and they don’t mind sitting next to you for hours at the hospital or for hours next to your bed talking about everything and nothing at all, and being OK with the silent space that exists between those things. They show up with ice and pies and salads and ice and “no pasta” and flowers and puppies and ice and chocolate and ice (so.much.ice!). They call and they text because connection is connection… and how beautiful it is to connect with so many people in so many places in a time when I am so uniquely isolated.

2.    A true Prince Charming will find a way to scale the wall, no matter how high or how tight the (TSA) security.

3.    Despite the timing and challenges it presented, I do not, even for one moment, regret postponing treatment and going to Croatia. I am stronger for the experience mentally, physically and emotionally. And as someone very wise said to me, “you will recover faster if you go in healthy”. True dat. I felt great walking into the hospital last week and I believe that having just returned from that magical trip helped with that. Side note… I know this is my own issue; however, I struggle to understand anyone’s lack of desire to travel, whether near or far. Travel doesn't have to cost a fortune or take us to exotic places... no matter where we go, it opens our eyes, minds and hearts in ways I don’t think anything else can or does. It teaches us lessons about the world but, more importantly, about ourselves. You really, truly should come with me next time.

4.    I got an A+ at my first post-op appointment today. My doctor ooohhed and ahhhhed over my range of motion and pain tolerance. I credit yoga and meditation for this, of course, and also for my ability to figure out how to move, pee, get dressed, sit up, etc. with cirque du soleil style acrobatics, and for not silently going insane while unable to be upright for the better part of every day and for the foreseeable future… but the truth is, Dr. Wonderful has proven herself amazing time and time again. I credit her understanding, wisdom and skills just as much as my practice. 

5.    In related news, for all you entrepreneurial types, there’s a market for cute, fashion forward medical devices… just sayin’. As a side note, our system is broken when you can be charged $250-$1000, with insurance, for something you absolutely have to have in order to heal… but that you can purchase on amazon for $85-$120. We did our homework and had a fantastic medical devices guy who told us to crowd source and check for alternatives, but it saddens me to think that many people in my situation who weren’t told to look elsewhere would have just shrugged their shoulders and said OK. We can do better than this.

6.   The same people who think it is absurd that there is a warning on a McDonald’s coffee cup are also the ones who immediately ask the question that I know is on many minds. Even if you didn’t ask it out loud, it’s likely you have wondered. And I probably would, too, of course. 

7.    I believe we all have a life curriculum… we will be handed the same lessons over and over again until we have learned them. Usually, it takes us awhile to learn them, and so they will come harder and faster until that frying pan to the head moment occurs. My frying pan moment has arrived. In the past I believed my lesson was “accept help” and I tried, really, I did… but today I am convinced the lesson is actually ASK FOR HELP, and so I have. 

8.    I am lucky enough to know some of the best flower picker outers in the universe, and as I see and smell a gorgeous bit of nature from my bed, I am reminded that in little things, there is great joy. Said flowers came from a group of people who are my family… we aren’t related and we all live in different places, we came together through work and we stick together with love. And while the beautiful flowers feel lucky, loving the people I work with is truly the great fortune for which I am thankful. 

9.    No matter how crappy you feel or how long it takes, getting out of bed, opening the blinds, making the bed (or having someone incredible do these things when you can not), having a (body wipes only) "shower", (dry) shampooing your hair and looking as presentable as possible even with no one to see and despite the fact that it may be close to impossible to look cute in your current situation, makes a huge difference in your attitude and outlook. As a side note, someone washing your hair for you in the sink is a treat, even when you’re 50. 

10.  Mr. Rogers reminded us to always look for the helpers. People are generally good and they want to help… and you might be surprised at the quiet supporters you have who, when you are in need, step up in ways you could never have imagined. On the flip side, there are some people who look you in the eye while you are lying on a hard floor unable to move, and then look away or, even worse, look down at their phones. I remember those faces but I can’t remember the faces of the lovely strangers who stopped to help… and this fascinates me. Of course there are many reasons people respond (or don’t) the way they do, and I suspect that perhaps each of us has been both of these people at various times because our lives, and maybe, if we don’t intentionally tend to them, our empathy and compassion, ebb and flow. Let us agree to err on the side of the former, create a ripple effect of passionate compassion and recognize that helpers may not always wear uniforms but they are always all around us. Let’s simply take care of each other.  

Fill Up Your Cup

Yoga saved my life. Not in a dramatic physical, damsel in distress, rescue mission sort of way, but in the slow and subtle way that allowed me to reconnect to my authentic self, to who I am at my core, to the me that had been buried in hopes of self-protection and attempts at dissipating the pain of what seemed to me to be more than my fair share of knee buckling, back breaking moments.

After years of just engaging in the "great workout" of a physical practice, and even having completed a general yoga teaching certification, my practice consisted solely of "exercises on a mat". To be clear, there's nothing wrong with that... most of us initially walk into yoga through the door marked physical, and whatever gets us on the mat, no matter the motivation, is a wonderful thing. 

However, one Tuesday evening 8 or so years ago, I wandered into a group exercise studio at 7:15, fully prepared to take "Fitness Yoga" alongside the 79 other people (Yes. 79 Other People in Fitness Yoga!) who were filling the studio and spilling through the doors into the adjacent one. As class began, I knew within moments that something magical was happening. I knew that I had arrived in a sacred space where I was welcome to be the beautiful mess that I was, without judgment or expectation. And suddenly, right there in child's pose, I fully understood that there was so much more to yoga than I'd ever imagined. 

Things began to shift. I recognized that while on my mat, I was cultivating a deeper relationship with my mind, body and spirit. I realized that yoga goes far beyond the physical, and I sought ways to further develop and deepen my personal practice. The more I did, the more I started to see the positive changes taking place in other parts of my life, and I observed that what happened on my mat was often times reflective of what was happening off of it. I learned the art of holding on and letting go. I learned to be more equanimous, and realized that, as Lau Tzu suggested, when I owned my breath no one could steal my peace, 

There came a day when my teacher suggested I go through her 200-hour training. I was both flattered and flabbergasted. While I was loving my yoga journey and grateful for the resulting groundedness I felt, my world was upside down, which, really, she already knew. I told her that, as a result of needing to pick up and glue back together the pieces of my life, it was not the right time. She looked me in the eye and said, “no... it is EXACTLY the right time.” 

And.she.was.right.

Teacher training was a journey of self-discovery, an opportunity to burst wide open, to become vulnerable, to question fear and doubt instead of love and dreams, to soak in knowledge and, of course, share the gift of yoga with others. I loved the process enough to later do it again. And again. 

People often tell me they want to do teacher training but that “it is not the right time”. The truth is, there will never be a perfect time. Teacher training is a commitment, but it's a commitment to yourself, your authentic self. It takes time and energy. We all have enough of those things, but we don’t always allocate energy in the most effective ways, so time feels crunched. There will always be obstacles, challenges, and responsibilities. Injuries come and go. There will be highs and lows and ebbs and flows. No perfect time exists for anything, really, for we can "when/then" ourselves about anything and everything. What does exist, though, is our ability to prioritize that which we wish to prioritize, but often self-care, growth opportunities and learning experiences are placed on the back burner because we feel selfish about pursuing these sorts of things when other people “need” us. We must realize, though, that engaging in things that allow us to dig deeper into who we are or things that bring us joy, wonder, curiosity and growth should never be seen as self-indulgence but, rather, as self-preservation. And, ultimately, we can not serve from an empty cup.

So to all of you who say “it’s not the right time”… know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. The time is now. Fill up your cup… then fill it again… and let others benefit from the overflow.

 https://www.regonline.com/registration/Checkin.aspx?EventID=2333811

Reflections on My Last Trip Around the Sun

Each night at dinner, my children and I share the day's highs, lows, and the things for which we are grateful.  It's something I started with them several years ago, and I've loved watching how it's organically evolved... sometimes into hilarious conversations, sometimes into much deeper ones, but always providing each of us with greater insight into one another.

On the eve of my 48th birthday, I find myself reflecting on the past year's highest highs, lowest lows, the many lessons learned, and my utter awe and complete appreciation of the universe's mysterious ways of presenting us with our life's curricula.

As a traveler on the path towards mindfulness, I'm keenly aware that part of my work is to respond to challenge, discomfort and struggle with wisdom and intuition, rather than with raw emotion.  Well now.  Thank you, universe, for providing me with plenty of practice in this year of knee buckling, back breaking moments.  Truly.  For each one of those moments, and the overarching picture,  reinforced lessons long ago learned on my mat and carried out into the world, where the real work of yoga takes place.  Moreover, those moments were juxtaposed with incredibly joyous, beautiful ones, and I'm reminded that it is through the darkness that we both see and seek the light, while cultivating a greater appreciation for it.

The events of this year also served as a reminder that to surrender is to recognize that things, beyond our control, do happen, and no matter how much we want to fight against them or maybe even deny them, we cannot change that fact.  However, we are able to ask ourselves what we can do to change our circumstances and shift our perspectives to allow these things to happen for us, rather than to us.  Ultimately, it isn't the events themselves that are so difficult to handle; it's the stories that we tell ourselves about them that can rock our worlds.

So, without further ado, I give you these reminders from my 48th trip around the sun...

1.  Trust.Your.Gut.  Always.  Every.Single.Time.  There is real research that indicates our intuitive intelligence is even more reliable than our analytic intellect.  Seriously?  People actually studied that?  I could have saved them a lot time and effort, because when did you ever say "Oh, I absolutely never should have trusted my intuition!!"?  #notonceever

2.  We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for... and often, we don't even know how strong we are until we are clawing our way out of a painful situation.  The human spirit is indeed, as C.C. Scott suggested, stronger than anything that can happen to it.

3.  There is suffering.  There is a way through suffering.  There is an end to suffering.  Rinse and repeat.

4.  One of the greatest mantras of all time is just two words:  Begin Again.

5.  In related news... you CAN, indeed, go back again.  For a long time, I was a believer that once you closed the door on something, anything, you should never go back through it.  I was wrong.  You can go back again, but you must go back on your own terms, in your own time, and only if you know you can not only walk through the door with an open mind, but also with an open heart, and maybe even twirling a little bit as you make your way through it.  The truth is that without the gut wrenching events of the past year, I would have remained tightly closed and could possibly have missed out on going back again to some of the things I love the most and from which I'd drifted away.

6.  Embrace your humanity.  We all make mistakes, are perfectly imperfect, and fabulously flawed.  I had my greatest moment of clarity when a trusted friend reached across a table, held my hands tightly, looked me in the eyes as I cried to her about what I perceived as a colossal failure on my part, and said, simply,  "you are human."  From that moment forward, speaking my truth and facing my reality was infinitely easier.

7.  It is said that a sense of belonging... the connections we make with others... being a part of a community... having close friends... are amongst the key elements of happiness.  I'm incredibly blessed to be a part of a circle of women who embody unconditional love, compassion, and support.  I'm not sure I'll ever find words that adequately express my gratitude for these beautiful souls, but I sure will spend a lifetime reminding them of how important they are to everyone whose hearts they touch.

8.  Christopher McCandless said that "happiness is only real when it's shared".  I've been able to share many amazing experiences this year with people who lift each other up, laugh often and love fiercely.

9.  The more comfortable you become with the discomfort of courageous conversations, the more liberated you feel.

10.  It is only through a tremendous amount of heat and pressure that a lump of coal becomes a diamond.  When we can approach life with a growth mindset, we, too,  can do exceptionally well under great stress,  and, as a result, increase our clarity, brilliance, sparkle and shine.

As my next trip around the sun begins, I find myself awestruck by where the twists and turns of life have taken me in the span of a year.  Although I had to travel through pain and fear to get there, in many ways the road has taken me back to to a place that, at once, feels familiar, safe, comfortable, new, edgy, exciting and exhilarating.  Mostly, though, it feels like home.

And so, my 48 year old self, I say to you... welcome home.

Seussical YTT Wrap Up & Review

I've long referred to my adventures in yoga teacher training immersions as "camp"… princess camp, ice princess camp, yoga bootcamp… you get the idea.  Having just completed a three week, 300-hour training in the motherland (Birmingham, Michigan), I noted that this camp concept has finally caught on with others, as evidenced by the fact that we had a talent show as one of our culminating activities!! There were some amazing displays of raw talent… singing, playing guitar,  naming all of the prepositions, reciting the states in alphabetical order, acro yoga, synchronized swimming on dry land, magic tricks, and, of course, the special ability to stick one's tongue in one's nose.  My talent is the ability to write in rhyme, and since so many kind souls have been asking about my experience up there, I give you the YTT Wrap Up & Review, Dr. Seuss style.

From near and from far we all gathered here

For a three week adventure we’ll always hold dear.

So in honor of each and every one of you, 

I’ve written some lines as a wrap up and review.

We certainly shared a full range of emotion,

And discussed many cool things like Bhakti devotion.

There was talk of the Gita and lots about karma

As we carefully considered our unique gift, our dharma.

Into each other’s beautiful eyes we did gaze

To listen empathically in more subtle ways.

On my birthday, all day, we sat silently in meditation...

At which point some yogis may have questioned their dedication.

The circle of suffering went on for days upon days,

Requiring countless tissues for our teary-eyed haze.

In the circle of death, we all conspired

Fortunately no one actually expired.

Which reminds me of our time spent in that sweat box

Finding new edges, and experiencing detox.

In related news, we completed the Quantum Wellness Cleanse

And as a result of one video some now see through a new lens.

We taught yoga to strangers all over the town,

And from very tall ladders, we all fell down!

We spent time at Barnum park learning assists and napping

And doing the craziest asanas, with lots of hand clapping.

We blindfolded ourselves and went out to lunch.

Birmingham citizens think we’re an odd bunch.

The pranayama and mandala exercise was a powerful one

Although Lauren’s experience with that sounded *quite* fun.

Leaking, juicy and nuggets were words frequently heard,

Quotes of the day ranged from the ridiculous to the absurd.

Many shenanigans happened at our condo on Hazel Street...

For 3 weeks of hotel living, we veterans vowed not to repeat.

Jira the Wonder Dog brought smiles all around

A YTT mascot... that’s breaking new "fertile ground"!

Jane reminded us all of the importance of self-care,

Jason’s hilarious dance parties were a breath of fresh air!

Jonny’s classes elicited buckets of sweat,

And that crawling in class? We won’t soon forget.

Yes, these awesome teachers inspired us in countless ways.

We’ll carry their lessons with us throughout our days.

We won’t miss the dungeon or the long hours,

prepping for feedbacks or going without showers,

But we’ve expanded our ever growing yoga tribe

And collectively lifted the universal love vibe.

As our epic yoga journey comes to an end, this I know

We’ll carry a piece of each other’s hearts wherever we go.

Masks

We all wear masks.  Sometimes, we wear them for fun, to become someone or something else for a short time in celebration of a holiday, special occasion, or cultural tradition.  Donning a mask can also evoke real fear and intimidation in others and protect the identify of wearers in turbulent times and situations.  We wear them to ward off not only evil spirits but also bone chilling cold.  We wear them for protection from environmental hazards as well as fast flying balls, pucks, sticks and such.

What's more profound, though, is the invisible masks we often wear in order to hide our feelings, as a reaction to or protection from fear and pain, to escape rejection and/or try to please others.  We disguise ourselves so the world will like us, even when it's inauthentic and compromises our beliefs.

This social mask that we put on may feel as though it allows us to put forward our best foot, create a perfect image for the outside world… but what about the personal truth that lies behind that mask?  What about considering what we really believe of ourselves and of what we are capable?  There is power in knowing who we are at our core, and being that person no matter who is the audience.

Regardless of how frigthtening, we must dare to be ourselves.  Only in doing so, can we truly find our authenticity.  Eckhart Tolle wrote, "Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free".  The freedom allows us to live out loud.

A cover of a beloved song, even when it's a good cover, is never the same as the original.  While it may have a different beat, style, and sound, it's still just an altered version of a great song.  In much the same way, when we try to take on a different persona, to cover up feelings or present someone other than who we are, no matter how glittery the mask, it is still just a cover of our own uniqueness.

Brene Brown wrote, "Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day.  It's about the choice to show up and be real.  The choice to be honest.  The choice to let our true selves be seen… true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance."

So accept yourself, uncover, remove the masks, because authenticity is far more attractive than any mask you might wear.  When you allow yourself to be authentic and vulnerable, you create space for others to do the same.  Let yourself be seen as you are, perfectly imperfect, uniquely you.  Walk forward in your truth.

                

          

                                     Masks Yin Yoga Playlist                               Masks Hot Vinyasa Playlist

  

Gratitude is the Mother of Happiness

Several years ago, I had the good fortune to hear one of the most beautiful souls I know present a workshop on happiness.  Her words were powerful and resonated with me on multiple levels, it was as though I'd known the key ingredients for happiness and understood each one of them all along, yet I hadn't full connected the dots until the bigger picture unfolded through her words, stories, and, of course, a rockin' PPT presentation.  It profoundly changed my understanding of and approach to living a life of santosha (contentment).

On Thanksgiving day, while I know many people will be waxing poetic about things for which they are grateful, I prefer to share my views on happiness and, in my experience, what's allowed me to find peace, strength and joy, even in the toughest, most knee-buckling, gut-punching times, of which there have been many.

We've all been through painful experiences, sometimes we feel victimized by situations or people, and, sometimes we've been the cause of pain to others.  An inability to let go of these transgressions keeps us tied to a past that can never be changed.  As a result, forgiveness is an important piece of the happiness puzzle.  When we forgive someone else, it has very little to do with he or she who we are forgiving; rather, it is about us.  We forgive others in order to allow ourselves freedom from pain we've previously experienced. Further, we must find the wherewithal to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we've made.  We have all hurt others, and whether it was or was not intentional, what's done cannot be undone.  The best we can do is sincerely apologize, learn from our mistakes, and keep moving forward, stronger, better, wiser, as a result.

On the heels of forgiveness, comes acceptance.  Acceptance of our current reality… an ability to be and stay present, to appreciate what's right in front of us, because this very moment is the only one that's guaranteed.  Accepting those dear to us for exactly who they are, letting go of ideas and expectations about who they should be or could be, who we wish they would be.  We also must find self-acceptance.  While we certainly all have areas upon which we wish to personally improve over time, the ability to  accept who we are, where we are, as we are, how we are, right now, allows us to find greater contentment.

Love is high on the happiness scale.  Obviously, we love our family and friends, but the sort of love that keeps us happy extends far beyond that circle.  Our ability to love others is greatly diminished when we don't really love ourselves, and the reality is, many of us don't really love ourselves as we should.  We spend our whole lives learning to love imperfect people, because, well, people are imperfect.  We love the parents who give us the same advice on the same things over and over again, advice that we don't need or want and that may not even make sense… we love the siblings who make us crazy with their inability to return phone calls… we love our children even when they draw a family portrait on the wall with a Sharpie… we love the friends who are chronically late and forget to return what they borrow… we love our partners who forget things or who sometimes take us for granted.  And yet, we have difficulty fully loving ourselves… why?  Because we focus so much on our imperfections.  When we love ourselves, flaws and all, we honor our authentic selves, and, as a result, it's a whole lot easier to feel connection to others, to act compassionately, and to find fulfillment.

It is gratitude, though, that is considered to be the mother of happiness.  An ability to be truly grateful, not only for the big, obvious things, but also for the little things in life, goes a long way towards the creation of our own happiness.  Every experience we have is an opportunity to learn and grow.  Being thankful for the life lessons doled out to us, rather than being bitter about them or playing a victim as a result of them, gives us greater appreciation for this crazy, beautiful journey we're all on.

In her song, "Thank U", Alanis Morrisette wrote about being grateful for what she believed was a life changing trip to India.  Prior to that, she felt as though she was constantly looking outside of herself to find satisfaction and feel blissful.  While she clearly achieved great professional success, she was unable to find a sense of contentment or inner-peace.  Through self-examination, though, she found that everything she thought was important, simply wasn't.  Although it was scary, as it felt like everything in her world was dissolving, she made a decision to change her life.  As a result, she was overcome with a huge sense of compassion for herself, first and foremost, which naturally translated into her feeling love and compassion for everyone around her.  Further, she had a greater sense of gratitude than ever before, and, as such, she wrote a song to thank all of the things, both devastatingly messy and divinely brilliant, that allowed her to arrive in a state of self-love, compassion, contentment, gratitude.  It's no coincidence, of course, that she found her solace in a place where yoga is deeply rooted.

Many moons ago, my children and I started sharing "highs, lows and gratitude" at the dinner table each night.  It was not only my way of checking in with them, hearing first hand about their days, but also an opportunity to teach them that even on the worst days, there are things for which we can be grateful.  Over the years, I've noticed a shift… their highs are not nearly as high and their lows are not nearly as low… they seem to have found a natural and appropriate level of equanimity, balance.  If only they knew they were practicing the art of yoga right there at the dinner table!  Further, their gratitude lists have grown, not only in length, but in depth.  They express gratitude for multiple things each night, and while often those things are small in the grand scheme of things (the laughter of a friend, a purring cat, a guest at the table), they are a brilliant reminder that gratitude is personal and that if we just stop to appreciate what's right in front of us, it can, indeed, be abundant.

I am thankful that my life's curriculum has brought me to where I am today, and happy that I recognize the importance of forgiveness, acceptance, love and gratitude not only on this day of thanks giving, but also, and more importantly, every day of the year.

Gratitude Playlist

The Great Equalizer

Much to my chagrin, I find that I spend way more time in doctors' offices & hospital waiting rooms than is imaginable to most people. Sometimes, we're there for one of my kids, sometimes, for me. These waiting rooms belong to doctors who specialize in things not talked about too much in polite bloggy chit chat... things like genetics, hematology, endocrinology, rheumatology, pulmonology, radiology, oncology, neurology and the like. I don't take books or magazines anymore. I am a people watcher, and this is some prime people watching territory and time for me. 

I distinctly remember walking into a specialist's office one day, years ago, and there was the cadre of usual suspects already there. It is often humbling and puts things into perspective in about one millisecond, usually before the door even closes behind me. No one is there for a good reason. No one is there to simply have a check up and be told to come back in a year. We all sit and wait our turns to be told the course of treatment, the next step, the what ifs and the where tos, what fors and the so whats. For some reason, though, on that particular day something occurred to me that never had before: the specialist's waiting room is the great equalizer. It doesn't matter how much money you have or don't have... whether you're a true southerner with the accent to prove it or a damn Yankee transplant, like me. It doesn't matter what you do for a living or what kind of car you own or the color of your skin, your religious affiliation or the country of your birth. In those moments, we are all the same. We are full of frustration, hope, worry, a profound sense of love for our children and the acknowledgement that we are not alone in this journey.

And the truth is, no matter what the journey, struggle, consideration or issue… we are only alone if we choose to be.  The communities to which we belong, whether by choice or chance, provide solace, strength, affirmation, validation.

We are not alone in this journey.

Dreams

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Keith Urban was once asked what his Plan B was if his dream of becoming a professional musician had not come to fruition.  His response was, "if the dream is real, it is uncrushable".

We talk about our hopes and dreams, but how many of us actually believe that the dream we have is our only option?  Are we truly looking for ways to nurture our dreams and cultivate success?

Though this might be contrary to popular belief, often, we dream things that are, in fact, impossible… but it's only because either we fear failure to the point that we choke the life out of them, or because our dreams hinge upon the actions of other people.  We can not control others or how their views, opinions, actions, hopes, and personal dreams line up (or don't) with our own.  It is not their lot in life to make our dreams a reality.  This task rests solely in our hands and in our hearts.

When the dream is ours, when we set a course towards achieving it, when every action can carry us further towards the dream, it can, indeed, become uncrushable.  It is also my belief that in order for us to achieve our highest aspirations, we must let go of what is no longer serving us, thereby making room to grow and creating the space in which we can hurdle even the toughest of obstacles along the path.  And there will be obstacles… sometimes the most challenging ones dwell in the depths of our minds.

People thought I was crazy when, as a single mom of three, I let go of a full time job in order to try to bring to life a specific vision I had.  Of course it was risky, and a huge leap of faith, but I never once doubted my ability to find a way or make one.  I have let go of relationships that were not value added, and have, instead, surrounded myself with people who never questioned my ability to achieve what I set out to do, and with whom I am able to partner in order to create new shared goals.  As a result, I am creating the life I dreamed of… more time with my children, a close circle of beautiful friends, a job about which I am passionate and for which I worked my asana off, new opportunities at hand that take me closer to other dreams I hold dear, and I find myself on the cusp of a vacation about which I've dreamed since I was just 6 years old.

So hold tight to your dreams.  Write them down, revisit them, and if you lose sight of them, remember it's never too late to begin again.  You have the power to turn your dreams into reality.  Make them uncrushable.  No plan B.

"Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself.  Go forward and make your dreams come true."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dreams Playlist

Mother's Day

So it's been awhile since I blogged… and it's not for lack of ideas (though I confess that I am recycling this post from my other blog)… I'm just busy with life's ups and downs which, quite frankly, are far more pronounced as a single mom of three trying to make my way through the world, than they were in my more carefree married days. 

Back then, I used to wonder how single moms did it. I always had a great deal of respect for them and couldn't quite wrap my head around how they managed. I relied on my spouse for a variety of things related to us, our future and to the kids, and simply couldn't imagine my life without him in it. 

Silly yogi.

What I believed then were the challenges, stresses, fears of single mothers did not even come close to the reality of that which exists. That is not to say that I feel regretful or unhappy; quite the contrary, actually. I know the decision was the right one for all involved, and even though I often wake with more questions than answers, finding the means and methods to forge ahead on my own has provided me with a greater sense of self and purpose than I might ever have had otherwise. I find myself more fiercely protective than ever not only of my children but of my heart, hopes, dreams, and it makes me commit even more to the mantra by which I have lived my life since I was 8 years old: I will find a way or make one.

And so I say Happy Mother's Day to all of the mommies out there. It's the hardest job we'll ever love. I'll add a special thought for single mothers: I hope you are lifted up and celebrated not only by your loved ones this weekend, but also by you. For you know, better than most, that you have lifted yourself up time and time again, but perhaps, in the process, forgot to celebrate the amazing woman that you are. You are.

Assigned Seating

On a recent flight, I switched seats with someone on the plane. It didn't really matter to me where I sat, and it was a kind gesture on the other person's part to offer... I hesitated, but ultimately accepted, and therefore ended up someplace where I wasn't really supposed to be.

I sat next to a man who, admittedly, I was mildly annoyed by for a variety of reasons. He was loud.  He was on the phone with his wife, speaking to her in a way that I found unacceptable. He was eating a dripping, greasy cheeseburger, the smell of which was offensive to me. He didn't shut down his computer and phone for so long that the flight attendant had to come and get ugly with him about it. He was one of those people that had a snide comment about everything. I popped my headphones in and stuffed my nose in my book to avoid any chit chatting in which, prior to that point, he had tried to engage me.  I settled in like this for almost the entire flight.

As the plane started to descend, though, I put away my music, and he asked me about the book I was reading. It was Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. He had never heard of it, so I explained the central ideas and themes. I'd read it before, it was part of the required reading for my yoga training, but I was rereading it. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I somehow felt the need to explain all of this to him, too. 

"I think my wife needs to read that," he said. Oh boy. My thoughts in that moment were:  so you are going to complain to me about your wife?! Dude. You have no idea where my head is right now. You will regret that choice 'cause I will give you the what fors right here in first class.

"Actually, what I really wish is that my son had read it. He committed suicide on Father's Day." Oh. Oy. Ouch. I opted, at this point, instead, to give myself the what fors. I expressed my condolences and told him I can't imagine the depth of this sort of pain for him, his wife, everyone who held this young man close. I quickly made the connection regarding his comment about his wife and brought up mother's love and mother's guilt and how I could imagine that his wife was feeling as though part of her life's purpose was gone and that the search for new purpose at once with the search for relief from depression and despair must be overwhelming.

"It was our second," he replied. I looked at him for a moment, not clearly understanding what he meant. "Our other son had leukemia and died after a bone marrow transplant." I was stunned, but somehow found the phrase "survivor guilt" in my arsenal and asked him if the other son had suffered from it. And sure enough, the "it should have been me" was at the root of his other son's problems.

"It should not have been him," I said, "because it wasn't his curriculum. Just as it wasn't yours or your wife's. It wasn't your lesson to learn, but having lived through it, you learned what you were supposed to." 

At that moment, the man in front of us, having heard just bits of our conversation, turned and asked me what kind of yoga I practice. The question, in the midst of the discussion of death and survivor guilt, seemed oddly yet perfectly timed. I shared. The man in front then informed me he was "a Bikram guy". We talked briefly about the peace that consistent practice brings and how a lack of practice is noticeable physically, mentally, emotionally.

"Tell me more about that," the man next to me said. And so I did. I encouraged him to try yoga and to seriously consider practicing yoga with his wife if she was open to it, even if it was to go to a studio and rest in child's pose for an hour. An escape. A focus. A place to just be... and just be together. 

Who knows if he did or did not... but at least I know that as he walked off the plane and thanked me profusely for talking to him about life and yoga and the combination thereof, perhaps he had a new option that he might not have otherwise thought of; one more strategy at hand, one more chance to rebuild his body, refocus his mind, and reconnect with that which is most important for us all, and that which does, indeed, die last: hope.

And so, it seems, that even though I wasn't in my assigned seat that day, I was, in fact, exactly where I was supposed to be.

The Art of Doing Nothing

The Buddha asked a young monk to go to the river to fetch some water.   When the monk arrived at the river, he found it wildly turbulent, so much so, that he could not even approach the water's edge.  The violent swirling stirred up sediment from the bottom of the river, making the water muddy and undrinkable.  The young monk returned to the Buddha, feeling like a failure.  The Buddha told him to return to the river, sit on the bank, and do nothing,  The monk was confused, but did as he was told.  He sat for hours by the wild river, doing nothing.  Finally, he noticed the water beginning to calm and, eventually, clear.  He filled his buckets and returned, thanking the Buddha for teaching him the art of doing nothing.

I'm sitting by a roaring fire, purring cat curled across the top of my chair, sleeping dogs at my feet, with quiet children scattered throughout the house.  Despite the fact that both local and federal authorities have declared a state of emergency as we await a "catastrophic" ice storm to pummel Atlanta, I'm enveloped in a sense of peace and warmth.  Sure, there is laundry to put away, dishes to do, and classes to plan, but I am making a point of spending some time today doing nothing.

Lao Tzu said, "Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing."  Far too often we busy ourselves with lengthy to do lists, only to find that we were on the go all day long, occupying every moment of our time, but we were not able to put a big enough dent in the list and, therefore, don't feel particularly successful.  One day's tasks then roll into the next day… and then the next day's tasks roll forward… on and on.

So determined are we to fill our spare time that we see doing nothing as a waste of time; we seek to always do something… anything.  To do nothing, and to do it on purpose, feels as though we are unproductive.  However, the opposite is true.  The ability to find stillness is affirming and energizing, even if it's just for a few quiet moments at a time.  Ultimately, giving ourselves time to relax, reset, and reconnect makes us more productive.  The fact that I have been meaning to blog for the last week or so but wasn't able to actually the create time and space to sit down and write until today, when I purposefully spent some time doing "nothing", is not lost on me.

The concept of meditation can be intimidating, but the act of meditation doesn't have to be, and it's a natural way to tap into the art of doing nothing.  Of course, those who have a strong meditation practice might take issue with calling it "nothing"… for it is, indeed, something, and a transformative something at that!  However, the point is that even if we aren't meditating in the purist sense of the word, if we set aside just 5-10 minutes per day where we remove all distractions and find stillness of mind and body, focusing on nothing but our breath, we become more in tune with ourselves, better able to manage stress, and, ultimately, we are more productive.

When was the last time you spent a quiet moment doing nothing at all… no effort, no work, no distraction, just you, your breath and the natural beauty within and around you?  Indulge in the art of doing nothing and you will find, just like the young monk by the river, greater clarity and a stronger sense of accomplishment.

The Art of Doing Nothing Playlist

No Bricks Required

"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around to catch you."

~ John DePaola

I once heard a story about a man who achieved great success early in life.  He lived in the fast lane, both literally and figuratively.  One morning, as he sped to work in his brand new sports car, he thought he saw something dart out between the parked cars lining the street of an urban neighborhood.  He slowed down just long enough to glance in his mirrors.  There was nothing there.  He didn't think too much of it and continued.

Suddenly, he heard a loud thud on the passenger side door of his car.  This time, he stopped.  He got out of the car and found a dented door and brick lying next to the car.  He looked around and saw a young boy staring at him, wide-eyed and teary.  Angrily, he asked the boy if he had thrown the brick.  The boy responded that he had and was apologetic, explaining that his brother had fallen and he wasn't strong enough to pick him back up.  He said he'd tried to get the man's attention several times, but that he didn't notice, didn't stop, and there was no one else around to assist.

The man turned to look down the street and saw an older boy lying on the sidewalk with an overturned wheelchair beside him.  He softened, walked over, picked up the boy and put him back in his wheelchair.  He wished the brothers well and watched as they wandered down the street together.

As he walked back to his car, he decided not to repair the dent in the door.  He believed it was a good reminder that no one should move through life so fast that it is necessary to throw bricks at them in to get their attention.

Indeed.

Ghandi said, "There's more to life than increasing its speed".  However, we live in a forward momentum society where great emphasis seems to be placed on the fast track.  We somehow feel inadequate if we aren't constantly hustling and bustling.  We often have the illusion that there isn't enough time to do what needs doing, that we can't get enough done.  We deny ourselves the time to slow down because we feel it is a waste.  I would argue, however, that finding time in each day to clear your mind, still your body, and focus on nothing except your breath significantly increases productivity, reduces stress, and provides an opportunity to reset and refocus.

We must find ways to enjoy life more by slowing down… for when we go too fast, we not only miss the scenery and risk needing metaphorical bricks to capture our attention, but also we lose our sense of where we are going and the reason for which we are going there.

Live life at a "no bricks required" pace.

Slow Down Playlist

Not So Great Expectations

Have you ever noticed that some of life's happiest moments are ones in which we have no expectations?

Studies show that one of the common characteristics of happy people is that they have few expectations.  Expectations can lead to disappointment and a failure to appreciate what's right in front of us.  The more we expect, the less grateful we are for what we have and what we receive, and ingratitude is the mother of unhappiness.  When we let go of expectations, when we are able to simply accept life as it is, we are free to lighten up, live in the moment, and appreciate the everyday beauty that surrounds us.

Of course we all have things to do, deadlines to meet, plans to complete, ambitions to consider and visions for which to strive.  We expect a great deal of ourselves.  Letting go of expectations doesn't mean that we live aimless lives.  It simply means that as we work towards achieving our goals, we do so with a sense of self-acceptance and an understanding that we are exactly where we belong at any point along the path.  We have to recognize and appreciate the difference between having aspirations and having expectations.   Life doesn't always adhere to our to do lists the way we'd like it to, and therefore, we can either lament about the things we aren't getting done fast or well enough, panic about things not turning out as expected, or, just as we do on the mat, we can accept ourselves exactly as we are at any given moment, take a breath, and continue to move forward.

We instinctively want to create and maintain a sense of momentum around our responsibilities and desires, but in the grand scheme of things, our happiness doesn't really depend upon how quickly we progress but, rather, with how accepting we are of ourselves and our present reality.

"Live your life.  Sing your song.  Not full of expectations.  Not for the ovations.  Do it for the joy of it."

~ Rasheed Ogunlaru

Often we expect so much more than the world has to offer.  If we learn to stop expecting impossible perfection in ourselves and in others, we can live more fully in the present, better appreciate the beauty that surrounds us, and feel a greater sense of contentment.

Have you ever noticed that some of the happiest moments are the ones in which we have no expectations?

Expectations Playlist

Failure is a Great Option

It is often said that failure is not an option.  While I certainly understand this concept in the grand scheme of things, I believe that failure is, indeed, an important option along the way to ultimate success.  Perhaps success should be defined as how you handle failure.  In the end, it doesn't really matter how many times you fall, as long as you get back up one more time than you fall down.

Failure is delay, not defeat.  Thomas Edison failed numerous times before inventing the light bulb and is quoted as saying, "I have not failed.  I've just found 999 ways that won't work."  He also said that our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  I believe that in this age where instant gratification is becoming more and more a norm, too many people fear failure and/or give up too quickly when things don't come easily or naturally.

Failure is one of the greatest teachers that we have.  Life involves risk taking, and sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail.  Both states are equally important.  Using yoga as an example, I can't even begin to count the number of failed attempts I've made at challenging arm balances and inversions.  I've experienced humbling face plants and worn the back of the arm bruising to attest to this fact.  However, had I not learned from my failed attempts and continued to "try just one more time",  I would never have been able to master any of those poses.  In the process, I learned things about myself, my attitude, and my body mechanics... and those things can easily be applied to other poses, and more importantly, situations.

Robert F. Kennedy said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly," so go forth and fail.  And when you do, get back up and try again.  The courage to continue to press on until you are successful is what matters most.

Failure is the Only Option Playlist

Road Trippin'

"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."

~ Martin Buber

Summer vacation often brings to mind road trips.  Miles and miles of music, chatter, snacks and unexpected stops along the way.  The destination of a road trip is the goal, but the journey is often where true adventure lies.

In life, the journey IS the destination, but as with any good road trip, we have to know in which direction to travel, how to determine the best route by using the resources we have available to us, maintain a positive attitude and sense of humor, and understand who will make the best travel companions.

As an end of summer celebration, our sangha came together for a road trip themed outdoor practice.  Many thanks to the fabulous yogi(ni)s who shared this practice with me... it was a beautiful evening of poolside pose.  Enjoy the pictures and playlist.

                                                                   

                                                                      

 

 Road Trip Playlist