Yoga saved my life. Not in a dramatic physical, damsel in distress, rescue mission sort of way, but in the slow and subtle way that allowed me to reconnect to my authentic self, to who I am at my core, to the me that had been buried in hopes of self-protection and attempts at dissipating the pain of what seemed to me to be more than my fair share of knee buckling, back breaking moments.
After years of just engaging in the "great workout" of a physical practice, and even having completed a general yoga teaching certification, my practice consisted solely of "exercises on a mat". To be clear, there's nothing wrong with that... most of us initially walk into yoga through the door marked physical, and whatever gets us on the mat, no matter the motivation, is a wonderful thing.
However, one Tuesday evening 8 or so years ago, I wandered into a group exercise studio at 7:15, fully prepared to take "Fitness Yoga" alongside the 79 other people (Yes. 79 Other People in Fitness Yoga!) who were filling the studio and spilling through the doors into the adjacent one. As class began, I knew within moments that something magical was happening. I knew that I had arrived in a sacred space where I was welcome to be the beautiful mess that I was, without judgment or expectation. And suddenly, right there in child's pose, I fully understood that there was so much more to yoga than I'd ever imagined.
Things began to shift. I recognized that while on my mat, I was cultivating a deeper relationship with my mind, body and spirit. I realized that yoga goes far beyond the physical, and I sought ways to further develop and deepen my personal practice. The more I did, the more I started to see the positive changes taking place in other parts of my life, and I observed that what happened on my mat was often times reflective of what was happening off of it. I learned the art of holding on and letting go. I learned to be more equanimous, and realized that, as Lau Tzu suggested, when I owned my breath no one could steal my peace,
There came a day when my teacher suggested I go through her 200-hour training. I was both flattered and flabbergasted. While I was loving my yoga journey and grateful for the resulting groundedness I felt, my world was upside down, which, really, she already knew. I told her that, as a result of needing to pick up and glue back together the pieces of my life, it was not the right time. She looked me in the eye and said, “no... it is EXACTLY the right time.”
And.she.was.right.
Teacher training was a journey of self-discovery, an opportunity to burst wide open, to become vulnerable, to question fear and doubt instead of love and dreams, to soak in knowledge and, of course, share the gift of yoga with others. I loved the process enough to later do it again. And again.
People often tell me they want to do teacher training but that “it is not the right time”. The truth is, there will never be a perfect time. Teacher training is a commitment, but it's a commitment to yourself, your authentic self. It takes time and energy. We all have enough of those things, but we don’t always allocate energy in the most effective ways, so time feels crunched. There will always be obstacles, challenges, and responsibilities. Injuries come and go. There will be highs and lows and ebbs and flows. No perfect time exists for anything, really, for we can "when/then" ourselves about anything and everything. What does exist, though, is our ability to prioritize that which we wish to prioritize, but often self-care, growth opportunities and learning experiences are placed on the back burner because we feel selfish about pursuing these sorts of things when other people “need” us. We must realize, though, that engaging in things that allow us to dig deeper into who we are or things that bring us joy, wonder, curiosity and growth should never be seen as self-indulgence but, rather, as self-preservation. And, ultimately, we can not serve from an empty cup.
So to all of you who say “it’s not the right time”… know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. The time is now. Fill up your cup… then fill it again… and let others benefit from the overflow.
